“If I Don’t Get Lost, I Will Never Find a New Route”: Engaging With My Mentee in My First Mentoring Session

Pınar Üstündağ-Algın, Ankara Yıldırım Beyazıt University, Ankara, Turkey

Üstündağ-Algın, P. (2022). “If I Don’t Get Lost, I Will Never Find a New Route”: Engaging With My Mentee in My First Mentoring Session. Relay Journal, 5(2), 107-116. https://doi.org/10.37237/relay/050205

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Abstract

This article elaborates on an online mentoring session conducted with a colleague who has 17 years of experience as an EFL instructor at a university, in Turkey. Specifically, this article describes instances where three positive emotions occurred, namely, joy, interest, and serenity (Fredrickson, 1998). The session was a part of the assignments in an advisor training course, and the purpose was firstly to practice what is referred to as intentional reflective dialogue (IRD; Kato & Mynard, 2016), using advising strategies and a tool called picture of life (POL; Kato, 2017). The analysis of the excerpts from the session showed that the utilization of advising strategies and POL unearthed three positive emotions which serve certain functions in the mentee’s life.

Keywords: mentoring session, advising strategies, picture of life, positive emotions

This paper focuses on a mentoring session that I held for “Advisor Educator’s Transformation: Mentoring Others,” the fourth course offered by the Research Institute for Learner Autonomy Education (RILAE) at Kanda University of International Studies (KUIS). The course aims to help novice advisors with their professional development to become mentors to other advisors, and teachers. According to Kato (2012), becoming a mentor is a significant aspect of supporting advisors’ professional development.

The course introduces different advising/mentoring strategies and tools and requires a conducting mentoring session at the end. As an EFL instructor, I participated in these courses to support the learners achieve higher levels of autonomy. Additionally, I desired to attend Course 4 to observe and evaluate more about what qualities a mentor should have as a student mentorship program supervisor at my institution.

Advising and Mentoring

Advising and mentoring are similar. Both aim to equip advisor/mentor candidates with the knowledge and skills to help learners or novices with their learning process through a one-to-one dialogue. Likewise, both intend to help learners manage their learning, which in turn, can help them improve their performances and potential. The difference is that, in mentoring, mentors are usually experts offering support to novices. Therefore, mentors may share their experiences, knowledge, and suggestions to transfer their skills to the mentees (Kato & Mynard, 2016). Additionally, a mentoring session can be beneficial for both parties as it is sustained through mutual, relational learning.

Purpose

The mentoring session that I conducted had two main goals. The first was utilizing the advising strategies I learned in the advisor training courses. The advising strategies I employed, in general, cover repeating, mirroring, restating, summarizing, empathizing, metaphor, asking powerful questions, challenging, silence, and giving positive feedback. These strategies are a part of what is referred to as intentional reflective dialogue (IRD), which aims to help advisees/mentees get into a deeper level of self-awareness and reflection (Kato & Mynard, 2016). Conducting the mentoring session online was a challenge for me because I have never even had online advising experience before. In this vein, I decided to utilize a tool that would enable me to manage it more smoothly. With this idea in mind, I opted to ask my mentee to draw her Picture of Life (POL), which according to Kato (2017), underpins advisees/mentees to map onto their life story and bolsters self-reflection on the advisee’s/mentee’s professional and personal lives. As an advisor, I have anchored to POL many times. I can assert that POL is a very dynamic and flexible tool based on my experiences.

The second aim appeared organically after reviewing the session excerpts. I noticed that the mentee expressed a strong flow of emotions, which were mainly positive. The intensity of the emotions was notable and made an impression on me. Based on my interest in the connection between mentoring and positive emotions and my review of related literature (such as Karaaslan, 2019), I chose to delve into the instances of positive emotions that arose during the utilization of advising strategies. The emotions I observed in this paper are joy, interest, and serenity, as Fredrickson (1998) contended that they are more concrete than other emotions (Gratitude, hope, amusement, inspiration, awe, love, and pride).

Dez and I

I conducted a one-to-one online mentoring session via Zoom with a colleague whom I will call Dez (pseudonym). Dez and I are close friends, relatives, and colleagues. Thus, we already have rapport and a mutual learning relationship. Dez has 17 years of experience as an ELT instructor and holds a Ph.D. in sociology. Having lived in different cultures in Australia, England, and Turkey, she has a deep socio-cultural background and multiple perspectives on life.

Our engagement in advising started in 2019 when I first shared my experiences, feelings, reflections, and comments on advising and mentoring. Since then, we have contributed to our professional lives by sharing and discussing theories and ideas on advising and mentoring. When I offered Dez to be my mentee, she accepted it without hesitation. She values mentoring and believes there is a strong bond between mentoring and sociology. Conducting a mentoring session with Dez was a real challenge for me because of our close friendship, namely, I posited that this relationship could impede the equilibrium between mentor and mentee negatively as we know each other’s private life in detail. However, I could overcome it by focusing on the advising strategies and the tool I intended to utilize, and I realized that this view was only a prejudice as a novice mentor. 

Dez’s Picture of life

The mentoring session lasted 40 minutes in total in English. First, I described POL to Dez because the mentee was unfamiliar with the tool, and I asked her if she would like to utilize it. She agreed and asked me if she could listen to music while drawing. Then, she focused on her drawing by listening to Farid Farjad, a famous violin virtuoso. While she was drawing for about 15 minutes, I waited in silence and observed her non-verbal communication, like mimics and shining smile, which seemed full of satisfaction and positive emotions. 

Upon completing her drawing, I proposed to her to give a name to POL (see Figure 1), and, thus, she called it “The way of freedom.” Besides, I encouraged her to reflect on POL by employing advising strategies such as empathizing, metaphor, asking powerful questions, challenging, confronting, and silence (Kato and Mynard, 2016). Looking at her POL from a broader perspective, based on my interpretation she was standing on the board, determined and in tranquillity, her fingers touching the waves as if they were a reflection of her free spirit.

Figure 1. Dez’s POL

The Emergent Positive Emotions

Joy

Frijda (2012) links joy with the free activation of the mind. On the other hand, Lazarus (1991) mentions that joy and happiness can be used interchangeably. In line with these ideas, Fredrickson (1998, p. 6) asserts that “joy expands an individual’s momentary thought-action repertoire through the stimulation to play in the process of time and as a product of repetitive play.” In this vein, joy could have a powerful effect on building physical, intellectual, and social skills. Furthermore, it may address human well-being and support exuberant discovery. The following excerpt shows how the theme of joy emerged through our dialogue, in which I utilized restating, repeating, summarizing, complimenting, and asking “What if” questions as advising strategies. The strategies used are in bolded characters and put in brackets.

Extract 1: Joy

Pınar: I asked you why you were smiling while drawing. You said that you were dreaming of.  Where exactly do you dream of yourself?

 Dez: Right here! (Shows the POL) While fighting the waves, I love to fight, I have always loved to fight. 

Pınar: Mmm, what if I want you to describe fighting using another word? (“What if” question to go deeper)

Dez: (Pauses a long while) Good question! It would be happiness.

Pınar: You are saying that it would be happiness. (Repeating to make sure the mentee feels being listened to)

Dez: Definitely, Don’t people fight for happiness? If we look back in time, we see that all wars are fought for happiness. 

Pınar: You think that people fight for happiness. So, do they smile like you while they are fighting? (Restating to change the mentee’s perspective)  

Dez: Of course not… The definition of happiness differs from person to person. I DO fight for enJOYment, I mean feeling the wet surfboard with my bare feet, fresh drops on my face… These are the things that make me “me” for my well-being. 

Pınar: You are right. Do you remember posting a video of your surfing before the pandemic?  You were surfing wonderfully. And yes, you had the same smile on your face as the one you had while looking at your POL. Do you think it is a coincidence or is there a connection between your thoughts and your smile? (Complimenting/ Linking to encourage the mentee’s sense of self-awareness) 

Dez: A-ha! Another good question. If the waves are not strong enough, generally I do plans about my future career. Let me share one of them with you, would you believe me if I said I decided to do a Ph.D. in sociology while surfing 6 years ago? And I’ve never regretted any of the decisions I made on the surfboard.

The timely utilization of advising strategies such as restating, complimenting, and linking has surfaced how one of the positive emotions, joy, affects the mentee’s well-being. Regarding the joy and well-being relationship, Fredrickson and Branigan (2005) state that joy and broadened thinking influence one another and trigger a significant increase in well-being. In our dialogue, one of the positive emotions, joy, broadens Dez’s thinking, taking a decision, and envisioning, and she takes a concrete step to further her professional development and well-being. With this background in mind, I can safely state that joy broadens not only the scope of her thinking but also the scope of her action.  

Interest

Interest can be used interchangeably with curiosity, intrigue, excitement, or wonder. According to Deci and Ryan (2008), interest is directly related to exploration and stimulates a feeling of investigating, becoming involved, and creating an intrinsic motivation to have new experiences with the person or object. Therefore, it could be inferred that knowledge, intrinsic motivation, and personal values contribute to the development of interest. Augmentation in knowledge can bring further exploration, satisfaction, and competence. As such, interest is critically important for personal and academic growth. The following excerpt shows how the theme of interest and intrinsic motivation came up in our dialogue. As both of us know about intrinsic motivation due to our background and previous discussions on theories related to learning, advising, and mentoring, it was natural for us to address such topics.

Extract 2: Interest

Pınar: Yes, I remember, the last time we spoke, you said you were thinking of doing a Ph.D. in English Language Teaching. If I remember correctly, you had a right to enroll in a university with a 50% scholarship. So what changed? I mean, you made a sharp move toward a different field; what has changed your point of view? (Asking questions to encourage the mentee’s sense of self-awareness)

Dez: Surfboard. (laughing together) You know; I have been teaching for around 17 years. Of course, I love teaching and learning but at the time, when I looked back, I felt that different disciplines started to affect me more. I mean, it’s actually about INTEREST. You know me, I’m the curious type.

Pınar: It seems as if you have been intrinsically motivated, have you? By the way, the situation is the same with me these days. Unlike last year, I am in a constant exploration mode and I am quite happy with this situation. (Giving positive feedback/ Sharing experience)

Dez: We are in the same boat! INTEREST and intrinsic motivation are the key factors, I guess. I mean, first of all, I started to take an active role in social solidarity and assistance associations. And this situation pushed me to read in the fields of sociology and anthropology. 

Pınar: I can tell from my own experiences that there is a breaking point in such situations, do you remember when yours was? (Challenging/ Asking questions to encourage the mentee’s sense of self-awareness)

Dez: (Smiling) One day, I found myself talking to the father of sociology, Augusto Comte, about positivism. The man died years ago, so at that moment I was happily surfing and speaking with a dead man. (Laughing) If that’s not genuine INTEREST, what is? 

The utilization of challenging, experience-sharing, and asking questions helped me unearth how effective the interest and intrinsic motivation are on Dez, because the effect of personal values and interest created a new path to explore in her career. That was a sharp and brave move toward a different field to flow freely, sociology. Anchored to interest Frederickson (1998) underlines that it is a motivator throughout childhood and continuing into adulthood. Although at first, Dez explored sociology for intrinsic reasons such as becoming involved in it and satisfying her curiosity, this exploration had reliable outcomes on her career and professional development.

Serenity

Serenity is often used interchangeably with terms such as contentment, relief, inactivity, and tranquillity (Ellsworth & Smith, 1988; Frijda, 1986; Lazarus, 1991). Therefore, serenity may seem like “doing nothing” at first glance. However, contrary to this point of view, Fredrickson (1998) points out that serenity is less physical than cognitive. As it is more strongly correlated with cognition and focusing rather than physical activity, it can be bear in mind that it is not inaction but rather a mindful expansion of a person’s self-notions. In this vein, it can be inferred that serenity contributes to self-care to restore cognitive energy for individuals. Thus, serenity provides an opportunity for self-exploration and self-understanding and promotes personal and professional growth. The last extract from the dialogue shows examples of how the utilization of advising strategies helped uncover serenity, another positive emotion.

Extract 3: Serenity

Pınar: You said that you were pretty busy these days. On the one hand, you work at two different universities, on the other hand, you continue your academic studies and self-improvement. Do you sometimes say enough is enough? (Asking powerful questions to encourage the mentee to open up further as well as complimenting indirectly)

Dez: Yes, of course, You know, I am not a machine. (laughing together) If I turn off the tap from time to time, I don’t have any problems.  

Pınar: You are saying that you turn off the tap from time to time to avoid problems. (Repeating/restating to express empathy and make sure the mentee feels being listened to)

Dez: Definitely.

Pınar: So how and in what situations do you feel when you need to turn off the tap? (Asking a powerful question to allow emotions to surface)

Dez: Somewhere inside me, those little things are starting to pile up until the glass is full… (Silence) After the glass is full, it starts to overflow and I feel tired mentally and physically. In such a situation, I say to myself I can’t do anymore… I turn off the taps quickly and start to take care of myself… A little self-care…You know, it is a kind of contentment or SERENITY, you name it. 

Pınar: Wow! Knowing how to act when is a very valuable trait; I appreciate you a lot. You turn off the taps quickly when you need SERENITY. So, what do you do in the moment of serenity? I prefer to take care of my children and watch movies, what about you? (Complimenting, repeating, asking questions, sharing experience)

Dez: Walking in the forest and surfing, of course. You know, sometimes I get lost, but I know that if I don’t get lost, I will never find a new route. And all I know is that each time with the help of SERENITY, I can determine my new route and the steps I need to take. 

Pınar: Your words touch my heart… What a powerful reflection? So is SERENITY like a compass to you? (Complimenting, Linking)

Dez: Navigation not compass (laughing together). Anyway, modern times are imposing on us that we have to succeed all the time. As if failure is something that should not be in our life. There is NO such thing… Sometimes we succeed, sometimes we fail. We can’t be successful in every field. Failure is also about life. This is where SERENITY comes into play, allowing me to take a step back and see things and people more clearly. To cut a long story short, it is a healer for me. 

Pınar: Can I deduce from all these reflections that you find YOURSELF in moments of SERENITY and it allows you to see the whole picture? (Asking a powerful question to encourage the mentee to look at the big picture)

Dez: This is exactly the summary.

The utilization of asking powerful questions, complimenting, experience-sharing, linking, repeating, and restating helped me identify and surface serenity, another positive emotion throughout the session. To begin with, I noticed that Dez’s self-awareness and resilience are pretty high because knowing in what circumstances to conduct self-care is essential to regulate well-being. Additionally, her sentence uttered that serenity plays a healing role in her life was a mirror on me. Upon completing the mentoring session, I self-reflected on how much I consider my serenity. Lastly, Dez’s powerful quote in the paper title could be evidence of mutual learning in mentoring sessions because the mentee changed my perspective on how serenity can be a compass to find new routes to explore. I think, in general, serenity can be explained as one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom because the more serene a person becomes, the greater their success, influence, and power for positive emotions improve.

Reflections on the Mentoring Session

Before the session, my biggest reservation was that the mentee was older and more experienced than me. However, using IRD and strategies intentionally throughout the session increased my self-confidence, and I was able to create a balance of power. Besides, during the session, I noticed that knowing how to say no and when to start self-care, which are the mentee’s strengths, are my key weaknesses. Therefore, focusing on these areas would benefit my personal growth and well-being. Another significant fact that appeared upon completion of the session, was Dez’s assertion that POL paved the way to jump into her past experiences and memories and increased her self-confidence as she mirrored her salient decisions. Moreover, she added that some questions in our session were very impressive, and these caused the possible outcome of self-reflection.

As a dedicated advisor, until this mentoring session opportunity, I only focus on assisting learners to become more aware and identify their learning needs to become more autonomous. On the other hand, this session reminded me of how little I utilized self-reflection and evaluation, which are essential to be a more powerful advisor. However, wasn’t the way to become a better advisor more related to self-reflection and evaluation? In this vein, I feel privileged to participate in this mentoring training. Moreover, once again, I have noticed and sensed that I am walking on a fascinating path that provides me with professional growth, mutual learning, and a new worldview and supports having a holistic perspective.

Conclusion

This paper focused on a 40-minute mentoring session, the goal of which was to facilitate the dialogue by employing advising strategies with a mentoring focus. During the session, I utilized a tool called picture of life (POL), which I found very useful and practical in online sessions in helping mentees reflect more deeply. The analysis of the excerpts from the session showed that the utilization of advising strategies and POL helped me explore and unearth three positive emotions as well. This set of positive emotions, on a closer look, seems to serve certain functions in the mentee’s life: Joy affects the mentee positively while making critical decisions; interest emerges when she plans her career. Lastly, serenity appears as a healer in the moments of being lost.

Acknowledgment

The author dedicates this full paper to the person who gave her this scholarship to attend Course 4 in Kanda University and support her joy, interest, and serenity. I am also grateful to Prof. Dr. Tim Murphey for his invaluable friend “ship” throughout Courses 4 and 5.

Notes on the contributor

Pınar Üstündağ-Algın is an EFL instructor, learning advisor, and Student Mentorship Program supervisor at Ankara Yıldırım Beyazıt University (AYBU), Turkey. She holds an MA degree and Learning Advising Certificates from AYBU and Kanda University of International Studies. Her academic interests are advising in language learning, autonomy, mentoring, well-being, positive emotions, and social-emotional learning.

pinarustundag81@gmail.com

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